Hope Found!
Psalm 147:11
"The Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love."
HOPE FOUND
2 Corinthians 4:16-18
“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”
There was a time in my life when I couldn’t find her—that tender, deeply wounded little girl inside me. I would sit with myself, gently asking, “How are you feeling today?” and “What do you need today?”
Those wounded little inner parts inside of me were accustomed to staying hidden, tucked away behind layers of fear, numbness, and self-protection. I was in hiding because I did not truly feel safe. I was trying to heal myself, protect myself, and guide my own self. I created what I called “The Inner Family Foundation,” which was a method I created for the wounded parts of my soul to connect with an Inner Mother and an Inner Father. So essentially, I was trying to heal myself. But I eventually grew weary. Very weary!
After my own healing journey began, I understand more now…
When we have experienced emotional abandonment, relational dysfunction, being bullied at school, covert abuse, gaslighting, scapegoating, betrayal, and neglect in relationships, our nervous system will adapt for survival. We don’t always know we are in danger—our body and mind just shuts down. We may become a shell of ourselves. I had become a shell. Not really living. Just surviving. Where did my smile go? I always wondered this….
For years, I altogether stopped feeling emotions like sadness and anger. I also stopped trusting my own instincts. I lost my voice. I started accepting pain as normal, because it’s what I had always known. I thought I was strong because I could withstand the pressure all around me.
That’s how it was for me. For years, I felt like a shell of a person. I was numb and disconnected from my own life. I didn’t know when I was being abused—and more often than not, I was. But I stayed silent. I took it all without resistance. I just had to get by, because I thought I had to live like that. No way out, I thought. That’s when I began a self-healing journey, including all sorts of practices, rituals, ceremonies and inner child healing.
Not because I wanted to, but because I didn’t know how else to survive. I had no words to describe what I was experiencing, until I learned how to express how I was feeling with safe people. And even when I tried to speak, there were many people who did not believe me. I would tell people how I feel, but no one really listened. I would tell people, “I think I am in trouble, like I just don’t feel okay about my life,” but all they would say is, “Take some anti-anxiety medication. I am so sorry you are not feeling well.” I heard the messaging that “anxiety was just a part of life.”
I just couldn’t live like this anymore. So, I eventually found people who would communicate with me in more healthy ways. But there was still a search, a void, that was never fulfilled.
I was also ridiculed and shamed into silence many times in a few relationships. I was told, “Get a thicker skin, you are too sensitive.” Eventually, I stopped trying to verbally express myself altogether. I began making dances as a choreographer, and put my feelings into story on a stage for 10 years, trying to express what was inside of me.
That didn’t really help me though, either. Soon, I stopped doing that. I just wanted to feel, be me, and be healed.
There were moments so dark and despairing that I began to question whether life was even worth continuing. I couldn’t feel anything—no sadness, no joy, no sense of hope. I was desperate just to feel something. Self-healing taught me how to create boundaries, which was helpful for a time, but then, I was kind of alone.
Then one day, after years of emotional shut down and hopelessness, God (who I didn’t know at the time, but He later revealed it was Him who orchestrated it) brought a few kind, loving women into my life. They saw how lost I was. They saw how much I was struggling just to keep going. They knew I was trying to raise my daughter on my own, while having little to no support from her father. I was barely holding myself together. And they stepped in. They supported me. They believed in me when I couldn’t believe in myself. They offered me help without judgment. They gave me grace, not shame. They extended compassion, not correction. Looking back, I now know they were moved by the Spirit of God Himself. He was working through them to nurture me back to life.
At the time, I didn’t understand what was happening to me or why I felt so broken. But over time, I began to trace my pain back to its roots. I slowly began to realize just how relationally dysfunctional my whole life had truly was. Dysfunction at home. Dysfunction in school. Dysfunction in relationships. Dysfunction in my community. Dysfunction was everywhere! I never felt safe, no matter how hard I tried to make myself feel safe and create safety for others.
I remember now how, six months into an intimate relationship, I began to feel even more increasingly numb. It was then that I started learning about covert narcissistic abuse. Slowly, I began to accept that what I had endured was abuse, and that I had been conditioned from childhood to tolerate and normalize it. I think this is how we all grew up, not really knowing what was abusive. Never taking it abuse seriously. I didn’t know it then, but it was and is, all a result of the fallen world we live in - the spiritual war and curse of sin we were all born into. I can only write this now because I as you’ll see soon in this message, I encountered Jesus Christ at my rock bottom.
You see: Without Jesus Christ, there is literally NO HOPE.
Acknowledging the abuse was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done—but it was also the beginning of my healing. I began to recognize the patterns. I saw how my unresolved childhood wounds had shaped the choices I made in adulthood. And I realized that my coping mechanisms—while once necessary to survive—were now keeping me from truly living.
Inner Child Healing became a vital part of my recovery before I knew Jesus Christ. It gave me a gentle and safe way to reconnect with my emotions, express what I had long silenced, and begin to feel again without overwhelming my nervous system. I learned how to name what I was feeling, and to do so without shame. I began to stand for what I needed in relationship, including to be heard and seen, honored and respected, and reciprocally met. I began to set boundaries. Even though I was standing for what I needed though, those needs were not met. It was saddening to say the least! But at least I wasn’t staying silent anymore about what I felt was so off my whole entire life in my human relationships. I was kind of a loner by this time, just me, myself and I - and my daughter, too. We were a family of 2 who believed in the power of healthy loving relating.
We didn’t yet know what about to happen!
What was to come, was JESUS CHRIST.
HOPE FOUND ME
And then, Jesus Christ came to me!! (he appeared and i encountered his presence while at home)
I had been doing the deep inner healing work for years. Doing yoga, reiki, chakra balancing, meditation to clear my mind, positive affirmations, positive psychology therapy, trauma healing, chiropractic, somatic work, shamanism, hinduism, buddhism, astrology, numerology, tarot, gene keys, human design, relationships, shopping, achievements, money, and just about anything I could….
BUT nothing prepared me for what would actually heal me and set me free FOR GOOD.
JESUS CHRIST
Now, I never knew JESUS CHRIST growing up. I was told that God did not exist. But, I somehow didn’t believe that to be true at all.
I didn’t know it would be HIM that would answer this question about who God is.
I also didn’t know that Jesus Christ would be the one to ease my weary soul.
But, the moment I encountered Jesus Christ, my whole world changed. I fell to the ground in an instant. I knew it was HIM ALL ALONG.
I kept saying to myself, “He is undeniable, Jesus you are really real!” He reassured me every time. Sometimes people would come into my life, right after encountering Him, and would tell me I was wrong. But they didn’t experience and encounter Him like I did.
Over about one week in time, Jesus Christ just kept showing up and talking with me. I couldn’t deny His presence. He was and is REAL! He is not seen in the flesh, but He is felt in the Spirit. And when the Holy Spirit comes upon you, He reveals all truth.
Jesus Christ IS the Savior of the whole world.
We were living in Costa Rica at the time. The foundation I had been trying to build for my life came tumbling down in an instant. Jesus Christ came for me, and then He encountered my daughter! I didn’t speak of Him to my daughter much, but she noticed how the darkness lifted and I was walking in more joy, peace and stability. He came to set both me and my daughter free. My daughter had her own encounter 3 months later, when she was ready to open her heart to Him. She also then gave her life to the Lord. Over 3 months of just being with Him, learning to know who He is, a focus on relating with Him, He relaxed both of our weary souls.
He talked with us, sharing revelations, giving us clear guidance that set our feet on a new path. A way we never knew was there. Soon, He would heal all of the trauma of our past, and give us a new foundation for life.
I stopped needing to ask my inner child how she was doing every day—because she was no longer hiding. She was safe. She was heard. She was finally home. She was in the faithful arms of the LORD. I then began to learn how to help not only myself receive deeper inner healing with the Lord, but I studied trauma healing to support other women through inner healing, deliverance, and restoration by His love.
Now, I counsel women through this journey of finally receiving the healing they have always needed. It’s only by the Grace of the Lord, that every woman receives the healing. This is the supernatural healing by Holy Spirit. I witness women being powerfully healed by Jesus Christ, every single day now. It’s beautiful. It’s life-giving. It’s HOPE AND FAITH COME ALIVE, every day.
The wounded parts of my soul began to be restored through the love of Christ. And this love is for everyone.
The peace, love, and divine security I now feel in my relationship with Jesus is indescribable. I try to describe it, though. He has become the safe place I had always longed for—the one who never leaves, never shames, and never turns His face away. I am no longer afraid to share that truth, and I know that my healing journey was preparing me all along to walk closely with Him.
My relationship with Jesus isn’t about religion—it’s about real, daily, committed love. A kind of love that is faithful, available, reliable, caring, gentle, powerful, generous, honest, present, and deeply humble. That’s what I had always hoped for in human relationships. And though I haven’t yet experienced that kind of love with a human partner, God gave me something more important and powerful—He gave me a strong foundation for life, rooted in Him. He has healed all the trauma. He has given me a new life. He has set me free from fear, shame and all relational dysfunction. People who hurt me, now respect me. As I gave my life and my healing to Jesus, He protected and provided for me in ways I never knew were possible.
Now I share this message not just for me, but for you.
You can heal. You can rise. And you are not alone. Jesus Christ wants to help you.
There are countless women (and men) walking out of emotional numbness, verbal silence, and hidden abuse. You don’t have to stay lost. You don’t have to live in survival mode. There is hope—and His name is Jesus.
With Him, you can rebuild.
With Him, you can feel safe.
With Him,
you can rise from the ashes,
and walk in joy and purpose.
We all can create a secure relationship with Christ
and the entire foundation for life is established.
That is the power of a life rooted in Jesus!
Do you need support?
Join my free weekly gathering for women
HOLY FIRE HOPE & FAITH
I also offer 1:1 Counseling
With love,
Meisha