OUT OF THE DYSFUNCTION

Portrait of a Dysfunctional Family

Understanding, Healing, and Walking Free & Restored in Christ

What Is a Dysfunctional Family?

We often hear the word “dysfunctional” used to describe family struggles, but what does it truly mean?

Dysfunctional relating is marked by breakdowns in the ways God designed us to connect. It is often experienced as:

  • Selfishness and immaturity

  • Neglect or emotional abandonment

  • Abuse, manipulation, or control

  • Unforgiveness and bitterness

  • Deception, secrecy, or blame

  • Lack of transparency or emotional safety

  • Avoidance, fear, or hostility in communication

These patterns destroy trust, peace, and healthy connection. They work against the foundational values of God’s design: love, truth, respect, repair, forgiveness, and relational wholeness.

A Working Definition

A dysfunctional family is one in which the basic foundation of secure, proper, and mature relating has been broken so much so that the family cannot function in a safe and healthy way.

This applies not only to biological families but also to chosen family structures, workplaces, churches, and communities.

Five Symptoms of Dysfunction

Here are five common signs that dysfunction is present:

  1. Estrangement – Avoidance between family members.

  2. Anger – Either explosive or repressed, leading to emotional instability.

  3. Lack of Trust – Patterns of broken connection and dishonest communication.

  4. Deception – Withholding or twisting the truth in interactions.

  5. Secrecy and Denial – Refusing to acknowledge painful realities.

✨ These traits may appear in healthy families from time to time. What makes a family dysfunctional is when these behaviors become habitual, normalized, and unaddressed.

Dysfunction Has Ancient Roots

Dysfunction isn’t new—it traces all the way back to Genesis.
The root of dysfunction is sin. Since Adam and Eve disobeyed God, every human family has been touched by brokenness.

Let’s look at some biblical examples:

  • Adam and Eve blamed each other for their sin.

  • Cain and Abel—jealousy led to murder.

  • Noah’s sons—Ham disrespected his father.

  • Abraham and Sarah—manipulation, favoritism, and family fractures.

  • King David—though mighty in battle, he was broken as a husband and father.

Scripture is honest: sin distorts our best intentions and relationships.

Three Generations of Dysfunction: A Case Study in Genesis

Abraham and Sarah

  • Out of impatience and fear, Sarah offers Hagar to Abraham.

  • Ishmael is born, and relational division begins.

  • Later, Sarah demands Hagar and Ishmael be sent away.

Isaac and Rebekah

  • Their sons, Jacob and Esau, are raised in parental favoritism.

  • Rebekah schemes to help Jacob steal Esau’s blessing.

  • Deception and rivalry dominate the family story.

Jacob and Esau

  • The fallout of deceit leads to decades of estrangement.

  • Though a form of reconciliation occurs, full healing never happens.

Genesis 27 is a portrait of a family where each member operates in secrecy, self-interest, or rebellion. Dysfunction is not just inherited—it deepens over time when left unhealed.

Healing Begins with Intervention

Just like the gospel itself required divine intervention—God sending His Son to heal the brokenness of mankind—so, too, does family dysfunction require a personal intervention.

That intervention might look like:

  • Hitting rock bottom

  • Taking a stand for healthy, loving relating

  • Walking away from destructive patterns

  • Surrendering to Jesus as the source of all healing

I was that person in my family.
I hit rock bottom and made a declaration—even before I fully knew Jesus—that something had to change.

Jesus is the only One who can heal what dysfunction has distorted.
He gives us a new heart, new perspective, and new capacity to relate in love, wisdom, and Spirit-led strength.

Signs That Restoration Is Taking Root

You'll begin to notice the fruit of restoration growing in your life and relationships:

  • You’ll take things less personally and be more grounded in peace.

  • You’ll feel more capable of speaking with wisdom and grace.

  • You’ll be able to stay present, even when triggered.

  • You’ll take healthy space when needed—but know how to reconnect.

  • You’ll stop needing others to create safety for you—and instead advocate for healthy relating from your security in Christ.

  • You’ll become a relational leader in your family or community, modeling what healed wholeness & relational maturity looks like.

Taking Off the Robe of Dysfunction

Some people say,
“I’m just this way because of how I was raised.”

But through inner healing and intimacy with Jesus, you get to choose a new response.

Restoration doesn't mean denying where you came from or pretending it wasn't painful. It means being honest about the brokenness, while choosing not to live under it anymore.

“Come to Me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”
— Matthew 11:28–30

There’s no rush in the process. You’re safe to feel what you feel.


Healing takes time, space, truth, and love.

Jesus Knows Your Pain

“In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”
— John 16:33

Jesus was not a stranger to dysfunctional dynamics.


He was betrayed, misunderstood, dishonored—and still He chose love.
He stepped away from deception and division, remaining anchored in truth and purpose.

Let Him be your example.

Reclaim Your Identity and Authority in Christ

You may be the one God is calling to break the cycle in your generation.
The one to confront the dysfunction and choose a new way.
The one to be set free so others may also be set free.

Is it hard? Yes.
Is it painful? Sometimes.
Is it worth it? Absolutely.

You are not being punished—you are being prepared.
You’re not forgotten—you’re being formed for freedom.

Practical Tools for Handling Dysfunctional Dynamics

When Someone Is Being Negative:

  • Listen with compassion, not fear.

  • Ask reflective questions:

    • “It sounds like you’re having a hard day.”

    • “What I hear you saying is…”

  • Stay curious, not reactive.

When Someone Delights in Your Frustration:

  • Say less. Stay calm. Don’t play the game.

  • Use short, neutral responses:

    • “Noted.”

    • “I can see that.”

    • “Thanks for sharing.”

  • Sometimes silence is your strongest defense—it cannot be misquoted.

Safe to Heal, Grow & Rise

Safe at Last

From Survival to Sanctification

If you're stuck in cycles of relational dysfunction and frustration, you can bring that frustration to Jesus.


He can heal the original woundings.

Inner healing with Jesus breaks the strongholds of fear, offense, control, shame, and bitterness. He empowers us to live unoffended and unafraid.

The enemy wants you entangled in dysfunction.


But Jesus empowers you to rise above it.

It is safe to step out of the snare.
It is safe to step out of the entrapment.
It is safe to stay above the dysfunction—and in the Spirit.

his invitation to heal, grow and rise you

Are you ready to step into your identity and authority in Christ?
Jesus won’t force you—but He is inviting you into His healing fold so you can be set free and to walk in wholeness - as the Woman of God he has always destined you to become.

You are safe to walk closely with Him.
Safe to let Him into your heart to strengthen you.
Safe to ask Him to show you what’s possible on the other side of dysfunction.


There is hope - where you feel hopeless in these painful dynamics!

The Spirit of the Lord is upon us—
to bring beauty from ashes, freedom from bondage,
and restoration where there once was ruin.

HEAL GROW RISE
A NEW FOUNDATION FOR LIFE

If you need support on your healing journey, I invite you to book a call.


I help families heal & be set free!

Meisha Bosma