FROM SHATTERED TO SECURE
Becoming Secure in Your Identity After Abuse
Finding Wholeness and Confidence in Christ
After experiencing relational abuse, neglect or exploitation of any kind, it’s common to feel like your identity has been stolen, shattered, or replaced with something unrecognizable. You may find yourself asking: Who am I now? What am I worth? How can I trust again?
The world encourages us to look inward or to external things—relationships, achievements, appearance, or status—for identity and meaning. But for these worldly sources are unstable. And truthfully, none of them can offer the security our souls longs for.
So where can you go to find the unshakable truth of who you are?
The Only Unchanging Foundation
Everything around us can change in an instant—jobs, relationships, reputations, even our physical bodies. When we base our identity on any of these things, we’re building our lives on sand.
But God does not change.
He is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8).
And He alone can restore what trauma tried to destroy.
Your true identity is not found in what was done to you, what others said about you, or even how you see yourself right now. Your true identity is found in Christ—and it is secure.
Why Abuse Distorts Identity
Abuse—especially when it comes from someone close—distorts the way we see ourselves. Lies take root. We start to believe we are unworthy, unlovable, or to blame. We may define ourselves by what we’ve endured.
But God wants to rewrite that story.
In Christ, your identity is not "abused," "abandoned," "rejected," or "broken."
It is: Loved. Chosen. Forgiven. Redeemed. Adopted. Made new.
And this truth isn’t just spiritual truth. It is part of the healing process and becoming whole. It may take some time to believe the truth, especially when lies have been your foundation for so long. Lies can actually be more comfortable if they are familiar. So, what we are doing is shedding the plethora of lies so that God can fill us with truth. The truth of who we are, and how valuable and loved we always have been - by our Creator!
The Journey of Rediscovering Who You Are in Christ
As you heal, you’ll begin to recognize when your identity is being influenced by fear, shame, or old patterns. You’ll learn to say no to those lies and yes to the truth of who God says you are.
Let these declarations of identity wash over your heart:
You Are Loved. You were created intentionally by God, with care and delight (Psalm 139).
You Are Chosen. You are not a mistake. God wanted you in His family (Ephesians 1:4-5).
You Are Forgiven. What happened to you does not define you. Your sins are not held against you (Romans 8:1).
You Are Redeemed. You are not who you used to be. You are a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17).
You Are Adopted. You belong to God’s family and bear His name (Romans 8:15-16).
Do you believe this?
How does it make you feel to hear this truth spoken over your life?
If You Believed This, How Would It Change Your Life?
Take a quiet moment to reflect with these questions:
What would change if I truly believed I was loved by God?
How would I treat myself differently?
How would I interact with others if I believed I was chosen and forgiven?
How would I show up to my life if I knew I was already accepted and complete in Christ?
Truth heals
Where the truth is known, there is hope and freedom
Proclaiming the Truth Over Your Life
Even when you don’t feel it, the truth remains: You are who God says you are.
And speaking that truth out loud—especially in the face of doubt—is a powerful act of healing.
Here are just a few scriptural declarations to anchor your heart:
I am justified and have peace with God – Romans 5:1
I am free from condemnation – Romans 8:1
I am a child of God – Romans 8:16
I am a new creation in Christ – 2 Corinthians 5:17
I am complete in Christ – Colossians 2:10
I am chosen, holy, and dearly loved – Colossians 3:12
I am a royal priesthood, a holy nation – 1 Peter 2:9
I am an overcomer by the blood of the Lamb and the word of my testimony – Revelation 12:11
These biblical truths about who you are DO NOT REPLACE the emotional healing that needs to take place. You may not be ready to declare these truths over yourself just yet. That’s okay. When you are ready to, God will guide you in this way. He knows the deep emotional healing you need, so give yourself the time to heal because He gives you the time you need. He won’t force you to move forward. He will love you into moving forward in more and more wholeness, each and every step of the way. Go slowly…..
From Trauma to Truth
Healing from relational trauma is not just about feeling better.
It’s about becoming who you truly are—who you were always meant to be in Christ - as God purposefully made you.
As you walk this journey, you’ll begin to look less like the wounds of your past and more like the One who heals. You’ll grow in intimacy with God. You’ll form healthier, godlier relationships. And you’ll begin to live securely and confidently—not because of what you’ve done, but because of who He is and what He’s done for you.
You are not defined by the pain of your past.
You are defined by the truth of the cross.
You are secure in Christ.
Reflection + Journal Prompts
Take some time to reflect and write with the Holy Spirit:
What does God say is true about me?
How does knowing I am chosen, loved, and adopted by God affect the way I see myself?
Are there any lies I’ve believed about my worth or identity that need to be replaced with God’s truth?
What will I do this week to speak God’s identity over my life?
A Prayer for You
Father God,
Thank You that You do not define me by my trauma, mistakes, or what others have said or done to me.
Thank You that you wash me clean of these traumas, healing my soul one wound at a time. Thank you that you see me as chosen, loved, forgiven, and made new. Help me to receive this truth in the deepest places of my heart. Let Your Word be louder than the lies. Heal my identity, Lord. Make me whole in Your love. And let me live in the freedom and confidence of knowing who I truly am
—Your precious daughter.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Or if you're ready for deeper healing and transformation,
I invite you to learn more about my 1:1 or group mentorship programs.
You are not alone. You are seen. You are loved.
And you are secure—in Him 💛