I just wanted to feel safe

In the arms of Jesus Christ, I now am!

I just wanted to feel safe. After years of dysfunctional relating, abuse, neglect, sexual exploitation, and an unsafe and dark childhood home, I was searching for safety but I didn’t really know it.

The unsafety and dysfunction had been minimized for so long that I had no idea it even was abuse. That’s the thing about abuse, it was normalized and swept under the rug in my family. When God began to expose it, it was so painful that I didn’t think I would make it through the healing journey.

I wanted to also know I was in a safe place to heal. When I eventually understood just how dysfunctional my upbringing had been, I went on a journey of self-healing. I wanted to heal so badly! I wanted to feel and heal.

I wanted to feel all of the emotions that had been bottled up inside of me since childhood. I wanted to trust it was safe to finally come out of hiding. I was like a scared little animal, trusting absolutely no one.

I searched for communities to join, and landed in the yoga community.

I did all the yoga.
I did the meditations.
I did the mantras.
I wrapped my head in a turban.
I changed my name.
I did the tarot.
I believed in female power.
I thought I was empowered by my own thinking.
I believed I could create my own reality.

But it all just got worse and worse.

For a time I did I feel warmly welcomed in all the places and communities. I remember one day at a week-long yoga conference, an elder in the kundalini yoga community tenderly wrapped my head in a white turban as tears rolled down my face. She told me to rise early each day, and do my practice. I just wanted someone to care about me, my life, and my growth. I never felt that growing up in my home.
It has been really hard to realize this truth of my past. When I met the LORD He began to slowly show me just how dysfunctional my upbringing was when I was little.

This women in the yoga community ~ she gave me the yoga sutras to learn (a yogic text) and she did her best to comfort my pain. She was just another woman searching for God, like me! In the yoga community I found teachings on all sorts of things like relationship, maturing as a woman, healing and empowerment. But I was still looping…But I thought I had found the way. I bought every book. I went to every retreat. I was desperate for wisdom, correction, direction, purpose, healthy relationship, and community.

But then on March 17, 2022, everything changed!!

I encountered Jesus Christ.

He appeared in my bedroom,
and I fell into His arms weeping tears of revelation,
pure joy and revelation. His presence was undeniable and I knew
deep inside of me that the search was now over.
I had been searching for 47 years for God.

Not one person ever told me the gospel of Jesus Christ,
although I had many believer friends in my life.
God told me He pulled me out of deception at just the right time.

Then the journey of deep inner healing and deliverance began, learning how to live with the Lord is a new way of living, being and breathing. It’s a new life that takes a lifetime to learn and grow. BUT IT IS WORTH IT! It is so worth it. I now help others receive the deep healing needed, to walk in faith, to get equipped, to be encouraged, to fight the good fight of faith till the very end. We each have an important purpose here right now and it is my prayer that you will be supported here.
It is my prayer that you will be healed, you will grow and and you will rise,
and to be set free from the deception that yoga is.

I share with hope to reach one person today.
Someone looping on a healing journey, desperate for peace and clarity.
This message is for you.
I want you to know that you are not alone,
and that Jesus Christ can pull you out of the darkness
and into the light ~ his glorious light!

You don't have to "integrate the darkness" anymore. You don't have to "welcome the darkness" anymore. You don't have to do a 2 hour morning practice anymore. You don't have to wear all white anymore. You don't have to go by that spiritual name they gave you.
You can rest in the warm loving and caring arms of Jesus Christ.
He loves you so much, and He waits for you to curiously gaze toward Him.
He can heal every wound, and there is a safe community here that understands your trauma healing needs. There is a New Foundation for Life and it is secure in Christ.

“I’ll show up and take care of you as I promised and take you back home. I know what I’m doing, I have it all planned out. Plans to take care of you, not abandon you. Plans to give you the future you hope for. When you call on me, when you come and pray to me I will listen. When you come looking for me, you’ll find me. Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I’ll make sure you won’t be disappointed.” (Jeremiah 29:11-14)