COMMUNICATE WITH CARE


Communicating with Care: Healing Ways to Connect in Dysfunctional Environments

Healing Starts With One Heart Aligned With Christ

Many of us were never taught how to truly communicate in a healthy and healing way — especially when we’ve been surrounded by relational dysfunction, broken trust, or childhood trauma. But the beautiful truth is this: there are some understanding that can support us on the journey while the LORD is cleansing our hearts. And when even one person commits to communicating in a Christ-centered, loving way, the atmosphere begins to change — because darkness cannot withstand the light of God’s love.

What Hinders Healthy Communication?

Let’s start with what often gets in the way.

Patterns of FRACKing

These patterns may stem from a desire to help, but they often shut down intimacy and connection. “FRACKing” stands for:

  • F – Fixing

  • R – Rescuing

  • A – Advice-Giving (without consent)

  • C – Complaining, Comparing, Criticizing

  • K – Killing the Experience

Here’s how these patterns keep us from the kind of connection God created us for:

  • Fixing seems helpful, but it often leaves the other person feeling unseen and unheard. We are called to carry one another’s burdens, not erase them.

    “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” – Galatians 6:2

  • Rescuing bypasses the needed process of healing. Only Jesus truly rescues and restores. Our job is to be present with compassionate love.

    “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” – Psalm 34:18

  • Advice-Giving without invitation can feel intrusive or dismissive. Instead, ask: “Would it be okay if I shared something that came to mind?”

    “Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” – James 1:19

  • Complaining, Comparing, Criticizing often flow from unhealed wounds. Instead of projecting, we pause and let the Lord heal those inner places.

    “Do everything without grumbling or arguing.” – Philippians 2:14

  • Killing the Experience happens when we interrupt or turn the conversation toward ourselves. But love makes room.

    “Love… does not insist on its own way.” – 1 Corinthians 13:5

What Fosters Healthy Communication?

Here are some understandings to support more healthy connection.

SHVACing — a new, healing pattern of connection:

  • S – Seeing

  • H – Hearing

  • V – Validating

  • A – Appreciating

  • C – Celebrating

Let’s explore what these look like, biblically and practically:

  • Seeing is being fully present — noticing body language, shifts in tone, and heart posture.

    “Jesus looked at him and loved him.” – Mark 10:21
    When we truly see others, we reflect God’s heart for them.

  • Hearing means listening for the deeper emotion, not just words.

    “He who has ears, let him hear.” – Matthew 11:15
    Deep listening brings healing and restoration.

  • Validating is acknowledging the other person’s experience without trying to fix it.

    “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” – Romans 12:15
    Validation brings comfort and connection.

  • Appreciating is offering thanks — even for hard truths that are bravely spoken.

    “Encourage one another and build one another up.” – 1 Thessalonians 5:11

  • Celebrating means uplifting others with sincere, Spirit-led encouragement.

    “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.” – Proverbs 25:11
    Celebrate growth, effort, courage, and vulnerability.

What Happens When We Communicate This Way?

When we communicate with compassion, Scripture, and sensitivity, dysfunction begins to break apart. Fear starts to lose its grip. Tension gives way to peace. Even when others remain in unhealthy patterns, you no longer take it personally. You stop reacting. You start responding in the Spirit.

And when needed, you simply pray and bless from a distance.

“If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” – Romans 12:18

Over time, SHVACing becomes more than a tool — it becomes a relational ministry. It becomes a way we reflect Christ’s love, wisdom, and patience.
You begin to partner with God in transforming your home, family, friendships, and even your generational legacy.

“I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” – Isaiah 43:19

Whether you're a parent, a spouse, a sibling, a friend, or a leader — you have been given the ability to co-create an atmosphere of peace and connection, by the power of the Holy Spirit.

We Don’t Have to Do It Alone

Invite Jesus into your conversations. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide your words. Let God’s presence be the foundation beneath your new way of relating. And when you're weary or unsure, pause and return to this truth:

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” – 2 Corinthians 12:9

If you're learning to heal from relational dysfunction, trauma, or emotional shutdown, I’m here to walk with you. Through Christ-centered inner healing, counseling, and coaching, you can rise again — with clarity, courage, and connection.

Heal. Grow. Rise.
A New Foundation for Life in Christ.
Wholeness. Purpose. Healthy Loving Relationships.

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another:
just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.” – John 13:34

With Jesus as your guide, you can learn to communicate with care —
and become the safe place others need, too.

Meisha Bosma