Communicating with Care: Healing Ways to Connect in Dysfunctional Environments
COMMUNICATING WITH CARE:
HEALING WAYS TO CONNECT IN DYSFUNCTIONAL ENVIRONMENTS
Communicating with Care: Healing Ways to Connect in Dysfunctional Environments
Many of us were never taught how to truly communicate in a healthy and healing way — especially when we’re surrounded by relational dysfunction. But the truth is, healthy communication can be learned, and it can transform the atmosphere in our homes and communities. Even when just one person commits to healthy communication, the dysfunction cannot withstand.
Let’s begin with what often gets in the way.
What Hinders Healthy Communication?
Patterns of “FRACKing.”
These habits often come from good intentions, but they actually shut down connection instead of building it.
Here’s what FRACKing stands for:
F – Fixing: Trying to “solve” someone’s feelings or situation.
R – Rescuing: Trying to take away their pain instead of letting them process it.
A – Advice-Giving (without consent): Offering solutions without being asked.
C – Complaining, Comparing, Criticizing: Often a result of our own unhealed pain.
K – Killing the Experience: Shifting focus to ourselves instead of truly listening.
Let’s look at these a bit more closely:
Fixing can seem helpful, but it often leaves the other person feeling unheard. True healing begins when someone feels seen and accepted where they are — not “fixed.”
Rescuing removes the opportunity for growth and often places the focus back on ourselves. Only Jesus can rescue and heal at the deepest level. Our role is to love, listen, and stay present.
Advice-Giving without permission can feel dismissive or overpowering. Instead, try saying, “Something came to mind — would it be okay if I shared it with you?” This respects boundaries and deepens connection.
Complaining, Comparing, and Criticizing usually reflects our own hurt and disconnection. These patterns shut down safe communication. If you notice yourself doing one of these, pause and invite the Lord to heal the wound beneath it.
Killing the Experience happens when we interrupt with our own stories or feelings, rather than letting the other person fully express theirs. True connection means making space for their voice first.
The good news? These patterns can be unlearned. And something better can take their place.
What Fosters Healthy Communication?
I encourage people to stop FRACKing and start “SHVACing” (pronounced sha-vacking). These are the skills that build safety, trust, and deeper connection in our homes, families and communities:
S – Seeing
H – Hearing
V – Validating
A – Appreciating
C – Celebrating
Let’s break these down:
Seeing means being fully present. Pay attention to body language and unspoken cues. You can reflect what you see with gentle curiosity:
“I notice your arms are crossed and you’ve turned away. I imagine something might be bothering you. I bet you have a good reason why you are turning away. I’m here when you’re ready to talk.”
This opens the door for connection without pressure.
Hearing is about listening deeply, not just to words, but to tone, emotion, and what’s between the lines. Reflect back what you hear:
“It sounds like you’re feeling overwhelmed. Did I get that right?”
Validating acknowledges the other person’s experience without trying to change it.
Simply say,
“That makes sense you’d feel that way.”
This brings comfort, safety, and emotional regulation.
Appreciating is taking a moment to say thank you:
“Thank you for sharing that with me. It means a lot.”
Gratitude helps heal.
Celebrating is about offering life-giving words that affirm and uplift:
“I admire your honesty. You’re really growing, and I see it.”
What Happens When We Practice These?
Healing begins and walls come down. Hearts that are ready to soften, soften. It also shows us who is ready for healthy loving and who is not. The atmosphere changes, and there is a de-escalation from the stress, worry, and fear/shame-based dysfunction that is prevalent.
When with someone who wants to remain stuck in relational dysfunction, you no longer need to take it personal or try to change another.
Instead, choosing to the pray for them is the most loving thing to do.
These are not just communication tips — they are relational ministry tools. When we align our communication with love, wisdom, and the guidance of the Holy Spirit, homes that once felt heavy with dysfunction can become places of peace and restoration. It may take time, but patience will increase which is a fruit of the Spirit!
Whether you’re a parent, a spouse, a friend, or a leader — we all have the ability to shift our homes, our families and our communities toward healing. It starts with one healing heart and one new healing conversation that is founded in God's love.
And remember: You don’t have to do it alone.
Invite Jesus into your conversations.
He is the ultimate healer — of hearts, homes, and relationships.
Heal * Grow * Rise
A New Foundation for Life
Relational Trauma Healing
Inner Healing and Deliverance
Healthy Loving Relating and Relationships
Fulfilling Gods Path and Purpose
"I will make a road through the wilderness and give streams of water there." (Isaiah 43:19)
Reach out if you need support on your healing journey, creating healthy loving relationships and rising up anew to fulfill the path and purpose that the Lord has put on your heart!